Getting to the Tough Stuff

So it's been a bit since I last posted because for some reason I was struggling with this post. I feel that just retelling the stories of what I do here is doing a disservice to what I want for this blog. I would rather be able to reflect on my experiences, emotions, and observations entirely honestly. Yet as I approach a full month of being here, I still feel like I know nothing. I still feel like a stranger to this culture, and for that reason I am grateful that I have 3 more months to learn more!
That being said, this past weekend was truly a wonderful experience. My program took all 127 of us out into the desert to see Wadi Rum and Petra. We loaded up on buses early Thursday morning to make the 4-ish hour drive out to Wadi Rum first. Wadi Rum (which means Valley of the Moon in Arabic) is a large crescent shaped rock formation, basically in the middle of the desert. But hey, Lawrence of Arabia was filmed there! We were taken to a bedouin (bedouin culture is essentially the Arab nomadic culture) owned camp, where we chose tents, and then set off for camel rides!
My lovely camel was named Lucy, and she treated me well. It was an interesting thing being put on a camel by a group of Bedouin men, then led off directly into the desert. Part of me just wondered how these men felt about constantly taking Americans on camel trail rides. I'm sure they see all sorts of people, and have all different experiences with them. But I wondered how we, as a group of supposedly globally conscious and mature students, compared to the rest of the tourists that come traipsing through their camp. After the camel ride our hosts prepared an amazing massive traditional dinner for us. It consisted of all the foods that have become my daily essentials here. Pita. Hummus. Rice. Chicken. Yogurt. Stew. and bountiful amounts of other things with that. Our hosts were some of the most generous and genuinely happy people I have come into contact with since being here. They live such a different life from what I do back home. Yes, they have cell phones (some of them even have 2 for some reason) and internet, but technology doesn't consume them. They are more interested in their interactions with guests, music, dancing, coffee and tea, and keeping things simple. It was a great getaway. After dinner we had the chance to explore the area around the camp, and we were told the stars would be 'fantastic' out there away from the city. To be honest, I'm a little biased. I think the mountain town of Durango that I have grown to love has the BEST stars I have seen in my life. But it was still great to go out and be away from a city for a night.
We then sat around a circle for a while with some of the bedouins playing music, singing, and dancing. Taking part in this was probably my favorite part of the weekend. They dance in a way that is just simple, and fun. It isn't about being squished between a hundred strangers, seeing how many people you can make physical contact with at once, moving in a gross blob (that's my best expression of the American club scene). It's truly a representation of their community and their energy and spirit. Difficult to explain without sounding weird, but when they pulled me up and forced me into the circle, it was a lot of fun. The fact that I can't even clap on a proper beat didn't seem to matter to them one bit.
The following day we said goodbye to our short lived camping experience, and loaded the bus once more to go to Petra. Petra is one of the New 7 Wonders of the World, and it's a pretty incredible site. Unfortunately, I was getting a pretty bad cold that day, so I didn't listen to the guide that well. But if any of you are interested in more about Petra, I have conveniently included the link to its Wikipedia page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petra
We spent about 4 hours just walking through the mountains where elaborate monasteries, tombs, etc. were built into the mountains. This too, however, came with its own dose of culture shock. From the second we get off the bus, there are large groups of people trying to sell you things. At first it's men at booths with hats, scarves, Indiana Jones trinkets, play swords... the usual. Then even more are offering camel rides, horse rides (tempting) and donkey rides through the trails and up the mountain. Then women sitting at booths selling jewelry and scarves, all saying "happy hour" "good price just for you" and other out-of-place and obviously western phrases. But pretty soon there are children, maybe between 6 and 12 years old, coming up and selling post cards, bracelets, etc. Most of them are wearing obviously worn out or hand me down clothes, and it's somewhat clear that they don't really speak english, but that they have learned enough phrases to sell things to tourists. This really struck me and made me sad in a way. My friend Sarah and I commented on the fact that these kids are spending their days here, having to work and make some sort of income, instead of being able to go to school, or stay home and be home-schooled, or anything else. It's a pretty eye-opening experience. They'd walk with us, say things like "you are a good people, please buy" or ask if we would take pictures with them. If I had taken a picture with one, it would have been a perfect USAID or UNICEF ad. One girl, all of maybe 7 years old, even grabbed my camera from my hands (my Nikon D5000 A.K.A literally my most prized possession of my entire life) and showed me the best way to get a picture of the Treasury. I thought this was adorable, but then also sad that essentially they spend their entire day just interacting with tourists, trying to get them to buy postcards and bracelets. What must they think of us?
So while the history and sheer impressive structure of my surroundings was incredible, I was much more impacted by the experience of what tourism has turned this site into. It almost made me feel intrusive to wade through the throngs of tourists, walking the trail, taking the same exact picture that thousands of others have taken, trying to absorb a little bit of history, sweating my face off in the heat, then loading back into my air conditioned bus, and back to Amman. As we left, I almost felt like I was abandoning those families, and those children.
Part of me has a sour tinge in my mind after the weekend. I look back on it, and feel uncomfortable. At first I maybe wanted to buy something from these little girls because I felt bad for them, and I wanted to help. Then the other part of me would have been disappointed in myself if I had actively and monetarily basically endorsed child labor. Looking back, I wonder if it's almost right for me to leave feeling uncomfortable. Maybe that's what I needed to be re-awakened to the reality of situations. I feel that we become extremely desensitized to things through the constant barraging of campaign ads, commercials, etc. And this is something that I never want to be insensitive of. I want to be consistently and continually grateful for the education I have and the opportunities that are available to me, and in the same way I'd like to be consistently looking for ways in which I can be of service to others, or be learning about other lifestyles.
For this reason I really took a lot of time before writing, but I feel that it's an important part of my journey here, and something I would love to be able to convey to my loved ones back home.
If you stuck with this long post, I've definitely included some camel pictures as well!

Our first view of the Treasury

The Treasury! Pretty amazing. 

Just chillin'. So many camels!

This monastery is built into the TOP of a mountain. Meaning that there are 900 stairs built into a mountain-side that you have to climb up first, before you reach this. Then I continued up a further climb to the peak of the mountain, where I took this photo. 

View from the mountain peak, and the blur of my friend's arm, which I should have cropped out. 

Actually my favorite photo that I got this weekend. There were stray dogs EVERYWHERE in Petra, but this little guy stole my heart. 

Me and Lucy!

After our camel ride we hiked to this sunset vantage point. It was fantastic.