Just Around the River Bend: This is the End... So Soon?

Seeing as I have slowly tapered off on my diligence with this blog, I imagine this is my last post.
As I start this post, I have two more days in the crazy city of Amman before I begin my trek home.
It's crazy to me that I have spent my last 109 days in the Middle East. Before, as a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed college freshman, I could only dream of accomplishing something like this. My passion for the region was only beginning, and I had no idea where it would lead me.
As my last week here has come closer to its end, I have spent plenty of time reflecting on the things I will miss about being here, and the things I won't so much. I also reflected on my original expectations I had of being here.
To take a quick look back at those
1. learn more Arabic - check. I have to say I'm pretty excited about the amount of Arabic I was able to learn this semester. Before getting to Amman, I never had the confidence to actually speak. Now I can get myself around the city, and hold small conversations with people on the street. I even have a shopkeeper and a shwarma guy that I go to almost every day who know my name, and we chat semi-regularly.
2. Make Jordanian friends - not so much. Who knew being a foreigner in Jordan would make things so... awkward. The language/culture barrier definitely makes it a challenge. I did have a very sweet language partner that I met with each week, but we were more study buddies than local friends. It's interesting how we truly are seen as foreigners here, and speaking a different language, we can't just make friends around campus or in a class the way we would at home. So alas, my friend group happened to wrangle in one local friend, but that's it.
3. Learn to cook Jordanian food - another failure. I have spent much more time simply enjoying the incredible food here rather than actually learning to cook it. By the time I would get home each day, my host mom would already have all the meals prepared and ready for me. So that presented little opportunity. I do, however, have an obsession with hummus that will be difficult to kick once I get home. I can almost guarantee that no one in Denver makes hummus quite the way that Hashem restaurant does in downtown Amman.
4. Ride a camel - success! Looking back on my trip to Wadi Rum and our massive camel caravan through the desert, I'm so grateful for that time.
5. Get close with my Jordanian host family - a half success. I am really lucky and grateful for the family I have had. They have been nothing but accommodating and sweet to me. However, they were much more hands off. They gave me a lot more freedom than a typical daughter would receive in a typical family, so I didn't really grow close with them. But, like I said, they have been a great family to stay with.
6. Expect to not fit in - Oh if only I knew how true that would be. I have written briefly on how much I stand out here but... it's true. I can't walk anywhere without being stared at by nearly every person that walks by. Some stares are just curious because I obviously stick out - I'm pale as paper and red-cheeked as always. Some stares are oddly condescending stares from girls on my university campus. I have been blatantly laughed at by groups of girls walking by. Why? I must be dressed oddly, or something? I couldn't tell you. The last aspect of sticking out is harassment from men. I have avoided talking about this in my blog the entire time, but it unfortunately exists, and it can be pretty draining.

Looking at those goals, I feel that they don't truly encapsulate my experience here. I came in with those goals as my basic expectations. I had always heard 'don't have any expectations' so I tried to keep mine pretty vague. However, I have learned that this trip turned out to be nothing like I expected it to be, yet incredible and life changing all the same. No, I didn't assimilate into Jordanian culture. I can't make homemade falafel, or be like a true 'Jordanian'. But I did spend four months observing and appreciating a culture that was different that my own. I have made the absolute best friends I could have ever have hoped to make. I have ridden a camel through the desert, and floated in the Dead Sea. I have crossed through Israeli security and walked through the streets of the most contentious city in the world. I have witnessed apartheid firsthand. I have waded in the Red Sea, and the Mediterranean Sea. I have stood in one spot and been able to see Egypt, Israel and Saudi Arabia. I have bargained my price for trinkets in the markets. I have mastered the insanity that is Jordanian transportation. I survived the biggest snow storm the Middle East has seen in 114 years. And I have spent 109 days waking up not knowing exactly what might happen.
I built myself a nice little life here in Amman, and as I mentioned before, I have made the best friends I could have ever asked for. I think something great about my program is that it already brought together like-minded people. I mean... This is the Middle East. Only pretty dedicated people would actually commit to this program in the first place. I was lucky enough to wrangle myself a group of five of the most thoughtful, wonderful, and absolute best people in the program and we became each other's family here. So one massive shout out to them... I don't quite now how to go back to 'real life' without them.

I look back on my last four months here and can't do anything but smile. It's been simultaneously the most challenging and the best time of my life. The Middle East has stolen a piece of my heart, and I know I'll be back. Maybe not to Amman, but to the region, absolutely.

So, with all that cheesiness, I have to say I am endlessly grateful for the experience I have had. At the same time, I'm ecstatic to be going home as well. This semester has taught me so much, but as it comes to its end I feel more and more ready to get back to good old 'merica.

For the last post, here's a short recap of some of my time here:

Sarah and I on our 4x4 ride through Wadi Rum

My first friends in Jordan, and the best friends I could have asked for! Our first picture as we prepared to leave the orientation hotel and meet our host families for the first time